Ok, it's officially out of control, actually, it has been for over a year now. This skinny jeans fad MUST STOP. Now, before you jump all over me with some - "You just like baggy jeans" - argument hear me out.
Yes, I prefer my jeans to have a little room to breath, I prefer my dick to be able to move as I walk. However, this isn't 1995 and I'm not wearing enormous Girbaud Jeans that look like denim potato sacks.
Now my jeans aren't the baggiest or anything...but there's a fucking limit. I would never wear tight jeans, it's just not gonna happen. But, if a dude chooses to wear some tight fitting jeans, more power to him. However, there's a line that gets crossed into "skinny jeans" territory that is unacceptable....
That line is when your jeans look like spandex. When your high top sneakers from the future - by way of the past - have ankle tight jean legs tucked into them.
I'm sorry, but this simply looks fucking bad.
A common reaction I get from people who disagree about this is; "What do you care what other men wear?" This is a valid point and 99% of the time what another man wears really doesn't matter. I may think that it looks corny or wack but, beyond that, it's not hurting anyone. Skinny jeans, however, are an attack on my eye balls. They're the most in your face form of man's clothing since the thugged-out-camisol-wife-beaters that 50 cent made popular a while back.
Unless I wear one of those cones that dogs wear around their necks they they get neutered, it's impossible to not look. There it is...smashed up cock and balls...skinny man legs...calves...and guy ass...all up in my shit. The funny thing is that even though tight/leggings are in style for women right now, very few of these women actually show off the ass and vagina area. Usually there's a shirt covering it or something...a bag or a belt of some sort. But guys in skinny jeans? Nope. Everything is external and out in the open.
Who is this for? I know girls could argue they wanna see what a guy is working with but I'm yet to meet the girl who LOOOOOOVES limp penis. Some girls may even love balls...but limp penis? No one likes a limp penis and yet, strangely enough, tons of girls do love this style on men. I chalk this up to style over substance argument. Kinda like when someone likes free jazz ; In theory it's kinda cool but listening to it fucking sucks. In theory, skinny jeans are ok, looking at them is another story.
The illest shit to me is how much this has taken off in the hood. Seeing formally thugged out kids wearing skinny jeans is so dumbfounding. How do these kids deal with the constant dissing they must get every time they leave the house? They must be good fighters or something cause that's like swimming with sharks wearing a full body chum suit.
I think one of the things that bothers me about skinny jeans is that they're very much a statement, wearing those jeans says a lot about a person. Unfortunately, depending who is looking, that can mean very different things. Some may look and see a rock and roll hipster guy who doesn't give a fuck. While another may look and see a rock and roll hipster guy who gives too much of a fuck. I'm a real simple, middle of the road guy when it comes to clothes, so whenever a style comes around that's obviously a huge "Look at me!!!" sign , it's gonna annoy me.
Not to be left to just the jeans, with this fad has come clothing accessories which, for some reason, incite rage in me every time I see them...
One is the skinny jeans/black vest combo. On a girl, this would be the outfit of a drama club dork who has yet to discover her vagina. On a man, it's the outfit of someone made of paper mache and balsa wood. Whenever I see this shit, I get this strange urge to grab the guy from the back by his elbows and kick him in the spine as hard as I can, just to see if my foot comes out the other side of his frail chest. A little overboard? Very much so.
Also, the slipper looking beach shoes...I think they're VANS. Fuck those shoes. You're not on the deck of your beach house, you're in a crowded bar. Hell, it's snowing outside, get some shoes not made out of pants pocket fabric.
When all three of these fashions collide, all I see is a male ballerina.
The funny thing is, I know that fads come and go. I'm very much looking forward to about 5-10 years from now when the same douche bags who rocked skinny jeans are looking at old pictures of themselves with the same embarrassment that former ravers do when they clean out their closets and throw away mass amounts huge JNCO clown jeans.
Shit, anyone who's was into hip hop in the early/mid 90's has some serious skeletons in their fashion closet...but the point remains the same. Loosen the grip...on your cock. I'd rather see motherfuckers rocking Sienfeld jeans or pleated dockers than skinny jeans. At least those corny pants don't rape my eyes with mashed up cock'n balls whenever I see them.
Here's a good test:
If anyone has ever mistaken you for a girl from behind, you need to get some slightly baggier jeans.
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